I was in a fight that was not a fair fight. I did not ask for the fight. I lost. My mission now is, as Maya Angelou put it, "to thrive with some passion, some compassion, some humor & some style." I am grateful for the chance to grow.
What's the question?
no lie, the second half of this post really helped me put a different perspective on my life and greatly the decreased the anxiety i have about my life to come
Hey, this is good advice.
Yeah, listen to it! You can do this, we believe in you.
Trauma didn’t make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don’t want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn’t make me strong, I made me strong. Don’t you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don’t give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn’t make me good, I made myself good.
[“There is an awful, pervasive myth out there that people who abuse others do so simply because they are bad people—because they are sadistic, or because they enjoy other people’s pain. This is, I think, part of the reason why so many people who have been abusive in the past or present resist the use of the terms “abuse” or “abuser” to describe their behavior. In fact, very, very, very few people who abuse are motivated to do so by sadism.
In my experience as a therapist and community support worker, when people are abusive, it’s usually because they have a reason based in desperation or suffering. Some reasons for abusive behavior I have heard include: “I am isolated and alone, and the only person who keeps me alive is my partner. This is why I can’t let my partner leave me.” “My partner hurts me all the time. I was just hurting them back.” “I am sick, and if I don’t force people to take care of me, then I will be left to die.” “I am suffering, and the only way to relieve the pain is to hurt myself or others.” “I didn’t know that what I was doing was abuse. People always did the same to me. I was just following the script.” “No one will love me unless I make them.”
All of these are powerful, real reasons for abuse—but they are never excuses. There is no reason good enough to excuse abusive behavior. Reasons help us understand abuse, but they do not excuse it. Accepting this is essential to transforming culpability into accountability and turning justice into healing.”]
Kai Cheng Thom, What to Do When You’ve Been Abusive Annotated Edition, from Beyond Survival: Strategies and Stories From The Transformative Justice Movement
Apparently people who don’t have executive dysfunction think that actually working on something is the hardest part of doing something. And that’s why they get mad that you call the rest of the project “easy” after you’ve finally worked through doing the plan and know what to do when you’re working.
So when you’re through with the epiphany of how to make it physically possible to make the thing you’re making, and you’re sharing the plan with excitement, because the hard part is over, and now you only have to get your hands moving and do it, they get mad at you like
“it’s not that easy! It’s a lot of hard work! >:C”
they mean it, because
to them, working is the hardest part.
They don’t have to fight their brains to get started. They don’t have to fight their way through making the choices, making the plan, making yourself make the thing. People who don’t suffer from executive dysfunction think that the hardest part is actually doing the thing.
when you have executive dysfunction, it’s like… you’ve just clawed your way up a long steep embankment of loose gravel, and you flop exhausted into the construction site, and you’re like “oh thank fuck, time to lay some bricks, i absolutely could do this all day” and the guy who drove to the site goes “what’s wrong with you man bricklaying is hard graft!”
not as hard as crawling up the gravel mountain bro
there’s also good hard and bad hard. doing the thing might be hard, but at least you’re doing it; it’s good hard. just getting to the thing in the first place is hard and it’s fucking miserable. executive dysfunction puts so many bad hard things in your way before you can get to even the good hard things.
I’ve just listened to a tale by Brothers Grimm called “The Three Spinners” and it is one of the best and cleverest tales I have ever heard. It became one of my favorite fairy tales. It is underrated.
I like fairy tales like “Cinderella” and “Sleeping Beauty” as much as everyone else, but these stories propagate the inherent nature of beauty, nobility and goodness. “The Three Spinners” is a tale about how circumstantial all of these things are, and I think we perhaps wouldn’t subconsciously equate beauty and worth or at least would have a more realistic attitude about beauty or work if this was the tale told to all of us as children instead of “Cinderella”.
I don’t have many somnophilia post, but I can’t help but worry that they may attract creeps. So here’s a little PSA:
If you grope your partner while they’re sleeping without prior negotiation of consent, that’s assault.
If you penetrate your partner while they’re sleeping without prior negotiation of consent, that’s assault.
If you penetrate yourself on your partner while they’re sleeping without prior negotiation of consent, that’s assault.
If you previously negotiated and obtained consent but continue any of the activities mentioned after your partner has used their safeword, that’s assault.
Consent is mandatory. Consent can be revoked at any time. This applies to any act, sexual or nonsexual. If you don’t have consent, it isn’t CNC. It’s assault.
A part of being an adult is living with regret and not allowing it to consume you. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made, opportunities you’ve missed, people you’ve disappointed. And every day you have to remind yourself to be kind and forgiving of yourself. You accept and love the you from the past and understand that it’s all a part of the process. Then you move on and live your best life, knowing now as old as you feel today, you’ll never be this young again.
drinking nettle and horsetail tea is really good for your hair
dry skin brushing improves circulation, relaxes and energises you, removes dead skin and cellulite
parsley infused water helps to refresh and whiten the tired, unhealthy looking skin + it brightens undereye circles
AHA and BHA are really good for gentle exfoliation and they help to stay away from the clogged pores
drinking those old lady-ish herbal teas for varicose veins helps generally with fluid retention and puffy face
putting chestnuts into a pillowcase is supposedly a good way to keep bad energy away from your bad + it’s extra relaxing to put your legs on it
shots of the seabuckthorn juice are really good for the immunity
the best hairbrushes are the ones with wild boar bristles
if you have a painful headache, there is a good chance you’re actually dehydrated. dissolve some high-quality salt (i’ve heard that salt from kłodawa does wonders) in a 500ml of water and watch the magic happen
the flax seed jelly is really good way to moisturize dry hair
self-grip hair rollers are wayyyy better to get some curls and volume than all those fancy curling irons
include fermented foods into your diet. healthy gut=healthy and happy everything else
if you have thin, straight, unbleached hair, just leave them alone, extensive hair care can only make them look worse
syrian aleppo soap or charcoal infused soap are really good for the skin imperfections (i mean the body tho! don’t use soap on your face you can end up crying)
eat loads of root vegetables in the winter to keep yourself grounded. those babes are so underrated
magnesium salt bath is best for sore muscles and stress
coffee grounds + olive oil make really good peeling
russians have really good hair care products, germans have good makeup and body washes. know your neighbours
drinking apple+ parsley juice increases hair growth
eat ginger. it helps with almost everything
extend at least part of your skincare to your neck or even breasts and thank yourself in 30 years
keeping fancy smelling soap in your drawers makes clothes smell nice
castor oil is a holy grail for your eyebrows and eyelashes. but before you put something around your eyes check on a small patch of skin on your hand or sth if you’re not allergic
soups are one of the easiest, healthiest and most comforting foods out there. you can literally make any kind of soup to match your preferences and feed your body with all the good fats, minerals, vitamins and water
